Things I have learned from my dying patients

Things I have learned from my dying patients...

I have been a nurse for 9 years now, and all 9 of those years have been in the critical care setting. More recently, my job has allowed me the great honor of taking care of more patients at the end of their life. I say this is a great honor, because I have learn to appreciate the beauty that can exist in a peaceful and dignified death. For at the end, the individual loses their control and it is then up to me to provide the most seamless of transitions as possible.

Over the years, I have learned to really appreciate the conversations I have witheach one of my patients. They are vast wealths of knowledge and wisdom and often times provide the most thought provoking insight into life's biggest questions.  I have the unique privilege to have to the opportunity to learn from them. They teach me something new every single day. You may wonder why a post like this is appearing in a "health and wellness" type blog, but on my own journey to be the best I can be, I am also doing a lot of soul searching. I am not only working to improve on the outisde but on the inside as well. These life lessons I have learned from those at the end of their lives, are things I will carry with me and hopefully be able to teach my own children.





1. Spend time with your kids.

"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children" – Elaine Heffner



This I am realizing more and more as I see how quickly my kids are growing. I can see the look in an older woman's eyes as she longs for the days of when her children were young again, and she wasn't facing the end of her own life. It saddens me to know that she longs for the days, but warms my heart to know that she looks back on her childrens' time growing up so fondly, and has memories to last her a lifetime.  As a mom, it is important for me to show my children how to live.  I don't want them to grow up not knowing how important it is to create memories with your family.  The take home message to is cherish the time with you children. Put your phone away, turn the TV off, and spend those precious moments with them.





2. Commit to your marriage.

Falling in love was simple; one had only to yield. Digesting another person, however, and sustaining love, was bloody work, and not a soft job.”
― Hanif Kureishi

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If you are married and reading this, we all know marriage is hard. It takes hard work, and committement. Everytime I have a patient, I ask them how long they have been married, and ask what is the secret to a long marriage. The most frequently common answer I get is: "You have to talk to each other. Without that you have nothing."  The next thing: "You have to be able to laugh at each other, and make the other laugh." "You have to want to be married. And you have to work at it."

One patient, mentioned to me one day that "people nowadays give up too easily." I sadly agreed with her, and lamented that the generation ahead of me will probably be one of the last to see marriages celebrate 50th & 60th wedding anniversaries.





3. Find humor in life.

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”
― Audrey Hepburn



If you can't laugh about life, life is going to be pretty boring. I have been told that more than once, and have been advised by many that maintaining a sense of humor is key to staying happy; even during the darkest of times. I have witnessed patients dealing facing incredible odds but they still manage to crack a joke here and there.

Even on some of their worst days, my patients are able to make jokes and find humor in small things. It really puts life into perspective. Here I am sitting next to this person, who's future is grim and life is short, and they are making me laugh. I really realize on these days that even though I may have my own problems in life (we all do of course), that if I can't laugh about things, life is not fun anymore.






4.  Things don't matter as much as time spent with people and relationships do.

“To be content with little is difficult; to be content with much, impossible.”
― Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach



Possessions provide you nothing when need someone to hold your hand, provide a shoulder for support or an ear to listen. The new TV or ipad you just purchased cannot give you a hug, hold your hand during another test, or sit next to you and help you understand what the doctor just told you. Sure, things are nice. I like things just as much as the next person, but my things won't be there for me 20 years down the road and I certainly cannot take them with when it's my time to leave this earth.  I have had conversations with people who lived during times when earnings were meager, and they were just barely getting by. But they look upon those times fondly, and often times proclaim those years to be some of the best of their lives. They may not have had much but they spent the time with their familes and made the memories.





5. Be compassionate.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato



Even if the person I am caring for at the end of their life was not the best person during their time, in my eyes they deserve compassion.  This is not a lesson that I have learned through conversations but through interactions with my patients over the years. It is not my place to judge them for their past misdeeds in life, but to be there to support them during the most trying and frightening time in their life. I will often ask the question,"Is there anyone we can for you?" When they reply, "No" my heart aches for them. I don't know what happened to them in their journey but I know I can make an impact on their life in whatever time he or she may have left.


In short; be kind to others, love often, laugh often, and enjoy your time spent with those around you and make memories.


These individuals I have encountered have been my greatest teachers on appreciating life, and letting the little things go. I have learned to enjoy spontaneous moments, and sometimes just let it be.  I have learned that dishes can wait when my kids just want to play or cuddle.


Skinny Pasta

Getting creative on my 21 Day Fix. I had a lot of whole wheat pasta on hand and spinach that was going to go bad so... Skinny Pasta~


Ingredients:
- Whole wheat pasta cooked (If following 21 Day Fix eating plan use one or two yellow containers of cooked pasta)
- Rainbow veggies (yellow, red & orange bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, use 2 green containers for this)
- Garlic (fresh or garlic powder), pinch of salt, italian herbs, oregano, crushed red pepper if you like a little extra kick,
- 1 tablespoon of extra virin olive oil
- Precooked turkey meatballs thawed( I am all about the convenience factor here!)

Instructions:
-Prepare pasta according to box directions
-Dice all veggies, gather spinach and portion out veggies using green container
-Slice meatballs (you don't have to but it makes it seem like there is more meat)
-Place all ingredients in a skillet
-Add seasonings ( I use generous amounts of all because I enjoy bold flavors on my food)
-Add olive oil
-Simmer on medium heat until spinach is wilted some and veggies are slightly tender and meatballs
are heated appropriately


Total containers used: 2 yellow, 2 green, 1 red

ENJOY!!!!

How I am hoping my new adventure helps women gain confidence

It is NO secret that women in today's society are bombarded daily with images of unrealistic and unattainable beauty and physical standards. Photo shop has become a woman's worst nightmare, and can make a perfectly healthy, beautiful woman feel like the least desirable and least attractive woman on the face of the earth.

If you ask a woman what she would change about herself, most would probaby say they would change their body in some way so that they were beautiful. But how is beauty defined? It is a debated topic around the world, as different cultures have differing standards of beauty. And what one may consider beautiful and/or perfect in one culture may be deemed unattractive or negative in another.

The age old saying, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...is true. However, how do we help change cultural perspective of beauty? How do we get our women to realize just how beautiful and amazing they truly are? The answer is not a simple one because I would have to state that it starts at home with how we teach our daughters at a young age, how the media portrays women, and how our sons are taught to view and interact with women.  Disagree with me if you like, but that is just my opinion.

So where does my new adventure come into play you may ask?

Let me back track a little to tell you why this is important to me first....

Growing up I was never the skinny pretty girl. I was teased and mocked to a certain degree, never had the boyfriends or dates, and never felt beautiful. It's an all too familiar story that many women can probably relate to. I was told "you carrry your weight well"," you are cute"," you are good at sports", "you look better with makeup", and my personal favorite was when "meghan cantrell (my maiden name) is a lesbian was carved into a wooden desk at school (elementary school by the way). So my sexual orientation was even attacked at a very young age, and I didn't even really know what that meant for a while. So you see how over time, my perception of beauty has been skewed by some very unpleasant experiences. And I still struggle with it even to this day.

But one thing has changed.

My confidence.

It has not always been good, and honestly I struggle big time. Every single day. But one day a friend of mine asked me to do a Spartan Race with her, and I did. And I finished it with not nearly enough preparation, and I struggled through it but I finished. And the moment I finished, was the moment I realized that no matter how hard something is (and those are wicked hard), I am strong enough mentally and physically to endure and finish.

And then on top of that,  I found a new group of women all with similar struggles, similar family lives, busy schedules, all hoping to make a difference.

Voila! Things changed. Big time. It was magical. It was like an aha moment of mammoth proportions. And oh my lord I had to hit the ground running. Never I have ever been so motivated or inspired.

It was time to do something with this.

A new passion was discovered, and it was in the realization that I could maybe, just maybe do something with this. This could be my opportunity change women's lives in such a positive way and help alter their own skewed perceptions of beauty. I could empower women to gain self confidence in a way they have never experienced. I could work to help other mom's get through even their worst days. I could really help other moms communicate with their own daughters differently all because they have a renewed sense of self worth, thus empowering a whole other generation of future ass kicking women!

And guess what.... that is a big damn deal.

There are campaigns with major companies such as Dove and Always working to empower young girls and women, so I guess I think of this as more of a grassroots type movement so to speak, but if by some chance, I was able to make a difference on this level.....I just can't even. I mean really, I can't even imagine.

Now I know I am thinking big here but seriously think of the possibilities! Think of how many women's lives we could change EVERY SINGLE DAY! By motivating them, inspiring them, appreciating them exactly for who they are!  That is an awe inpsiring thought that by working with women to help them gain confidence & get healthier, they could walk around feeling proud, confident, and beautiful.  That thought alone makes this adventure completely worth it.  Every doubt I have, every fear I have, and every skeptical comment I receive makes me push harder just so I could do this.


It's pretty overwhelming to think of the bigger implications this could have but seriously, how cool is that?

Pretty cool.

xoxo,
Meghan

Real Life- My First Few Weeks as a Beachbody Coach

"Is this like one of those pyramid schemes", my husband asks me the first night I am finally brave enough to tell him what I have been up to.

"No I assure you it's not. But it could be a way for me to help our family more. Maybe it could be. I have no idea how this is going to go, but I am going to give it a try." My voice was nearly shaking trying to tell him I was venturing out into something different. He knew my new found love of the beachbody family was strong, but I don't think he expected me to do anything with it. And honestly I haven't really done much aside from A LOT of learning, A LOT of asking my coach questions, and A LOT of personal dvelopment. "Ya know," I tell him, "You could at least like my new facebook page and show your support for me."

"I don't really like sharing stuff like that because it gets annoying to people."

Fair enough.

So at that particular moment, my head was spinning and I was thinking, "OH SWEET LORD! He's right! I am bugging the crap out of people with my facebook/instagramming/twitter posts! Crap! Crap!" And let my embarrassment/fear/skepticism/doubt kick into overdrive.  I kept thinking about how nervous I was to begin with and this conversation certainly did not help.

Now what?

Should I just give up? Just let it go? My inner dialogue was intense, and so conflicting. Should I, shouldn't I? What if I just make people angry or annoyed with me? Well so what if I do, I'm trying to help people and there ain't nothing wrong with that. I am promoting a healthy lifestyle, and lord knows my chosen profession as shown there ain't nothing wrong with a healthy lifestyle! So why am I having such a difficult time with this?

Well, I decided that I was not going to let that moment keep me from at least trying. So I pushed past my doubt and fear and kept on posting and connecting with people in my life.  And that part continues to feel amazing.

And then I noticed that even though I had not really accomplished anything as a beachbody coach, something was happening.  People were starting to already make small little changes, and get excited about getting healthier. And they wanted my advice, and my help! And I knew that my desire to be a coach to begin with was more than potentially helping my family financially but I am actually making a difference in people's lives, already. Just by communicating with them and letting them know that someone really does care about their wellbeing.

THIS IS WHY I AM DOING THIS.

I could not help but walk around all day smiling. Grinning ear to ear, I walked around knowing that I am putting a serious passion for helping people into good use and in a different way than I am used to. Often times, as a critical care nurse, I am meeting people for the first time when I have to help sedate them for a breathing tube, prepare them for end of life, or explain to a family that their loved one may never wake up again. And while I take great pride in my job as a nurse, I have always taken pride in being able to help people in their day to day lives as well. I want to make a difference, and I think this world is a better place when people are overall happier and working towards improving themselves.

And as I stated I LOVE BEING A NURSE, but I have always wanted an opportunity to help in a bigger and better way! So no matter where this new adventure takes me I will always and forever be a nurse at heart, and my compassion and desire to do good in this world is strong, so now its time to do bigger things in order to accomplish bigger goals.

THIS IS WHY I AM DOING THIS.

I will be honest, I have not made one cent from my short time as a Beachbody coach and thats ok. And that's the truth! Seriously, nada!  I am new to learning how to run a business, and as with anything I suspect time is my greatest ally. I can, however, lay my head on my pillow tonight knowing I am one step closer to achieving my dream of making this world a better place, one person at a time.

So for now, I will put my fears aside and continue to set goals to help as many people as I can. I am scared, and certainly have my doubts but I am pushing beyond those fears and doubts, DREAMING BIG and being proud of my decision to join the Beachbody Family!

If you want to join my team and DREAM BIG with me contact me for more information to get started!


xoxo,
Meghan

Choosing to make myself a priority

It is not easy for a mom to say, " I need time alone."


It is not easy for me to admit that AT ALL.

Setting aside time while we are all running around super busy and multitasking away, we often times get caught up and forget to set aside some time to reconnect with the one person we know we can truly count on...our self.

There is no one else that is going to get you through this life, make a difference, or work to make sure you are taken care of. It is all up to the individual. When we spend too much time focusing on everything else and forget to make ourselves a priority other areas in our life can suffer as well.  Our families, jobs, friends, hobbies, our mental and physical well being...all pay the price for our lack of self care over a long period of time.

How do we fix it?

Well it certainly isn't easy but it is certainly necessary. I have found that personally, I function much better for my kids, my husband and my job when I actually set aside some time every day to focus on myself. I am currently doing this in the form of dedicating at least 30 minutes per day to workouts and often times meal prep for myself as well. I am reaping the benefits of my hard work and seeing results that are pushing me further but also helping me to be more focused and more motivated than ever.

My family is also seeing the effects as well.  My kids see a mom who is happier and more energetic, my husband sees a wife who has found something that makes her happy and sees more smiles on my face, and my job sees someone who is more motivated and working harder every day.

It is time for you to make yourself a priority. It does a body and a mind good.

Do yourself a favor and set a goal to dedicate some time to yourself each day. Write down how it felt to take that time, and focus on YOU. Try to do this for 21 days and maybe you have established a new routine for yourself that will have a compound effect over time.

Besides, don't you deserve to take care of yourself?



xoxo,
Meghan

Thoughtful Thursday Series: Episode 1: Why are moms so mean to one another?

Ok so I know that if you are not a parent this one may be a little difficult for you to relate to but seriously....

Why are moms so mean to one another?

 

 I mean we get judged for every single decision we make by some random woman who thinks she has the right to pass judgment upon us? And why do we allow them to have power over us and make us feel as if we are somehow less that adequate because we parent our children differently?

 

 I was scrolling through my Facebook feed a few weeks back and read an article about the form of "mom shaming". People would take random pictures of someone (most likely a mom who had no idea a photo was being taken of her) and it would then be posted to social media without this person's consent. I mean seriously when did this become ok?? It apparently isn't enough that we are judged for not breastfeeding, failing at childbirth because we had a C-section (and who really fails at childbirth; that crap is hard work), because we choose to co-sleep versus sleep train, opt for extended breastfeeding in a society that has yet to "normalize the boob", feed our kids fast food, or dare to allow them to watch TV...and this list could go on and on and on and on... but now we unwittingly have completely strangers take photos of us to mock us or pass judgment upon us? Look I may not agree with everyone around me, but one thing I know for sure that unless that mom is abusing/neglecting/harming her child in someway, she is most likely struggling everyday to do the best she can to raise a productive and decent member of society.

 

When did it become our job to make other people feel bad about themselves? This parenting thing is hard enough without others going out of their way to make us feel terrible about decisions that we have most likely already agonized over already.  It is not my place to tell a mother she can't nurse her child until he or she self weans, or that one discipline technique is more effective than another.  So next time you see a mom with the toddler throwing a tantrum realize that all kids do that...even yours (Yes I said that) and that she is not a failure because she cannot control her child. You may not realize that she is struggling with learning her perfect baby has just been diagnosed as autistic or may have a developmental issue that makes it difficult to control emotions.  You may not realize that she has been up all night making sure her other child was breathing all night because they are at home hooked up to a bunch of medical equipment and she is just having a bad day. You may not realize that the mom you just snapped a candid photo of to post on social media with the caption "WTF? Can't this woman get it together?" just spent the last 20 minutes crying in the bathroom because she is overwhelmed or may have just received a phone call that her father is in the hospital with a serious illness.

And it's not only mom shaming for parenting styles, it's now mom shaming because we don't bounce back after baby "like we are supposed to." I mean didn't your weight just melt off while breastfeeding? Mine sure didn't because I was hungrier while breastfeeding than when I was pregnant! And when I say hungry, I mean like can't get satisfied from just one burger kinda hangry.  Women shame other women for her stretch marks, baby pooch, and saggy boobs but seriously what does that accomplish? Absolutely nothing positive, and in fact could be causing lifelong psychological damage to a woman who does not cope with life well.  So next time you see a brave mom, rockin the two piece at the pool, pay her a compliment or tell her children are beautiful so she doesn't have to walk around worrying that you are the one thinking bad of her. 

The moral of the story is: Be kind. Be considerate. Be mindful and aware of your surroundings. Educate yourself to realize the world is much bigger than you and that each person has a unique set of struggles and circumstances that she is dealing with. Be kind. Be compassionate. Instead of having a judgmental thought in your head when you see a mom losing it in the store, offer her support. Ask if you can help with her bags, hold the door for her, pay her a random compliment, say hello or just smile and acknowledge her and in that moment she may not feel alone.  Don't be the one who is responsible for making someone else feel bad or guilty... we do that enough on our own.

 



 

 

Do yourself a favor, and get rid of the negative in your life. Unplug from technology (make this part of your daily routine so you are not bombarded with article after article telling you how much you suck at mothering your little ones), unfriend/un-follow a few nasty mean spirited folk, and gather people in your social circle that are just as awesome as you are and revel in the fact that you are doing the best damn job you can raising your kids.

Until next week....

xoxo,

Meghan

Comments? Share below and let's discuss this topic some more!!

What got me going?

Yep so you know how everyone has that "aha" moment? Well I had mine this past summer. Realizing that I was and am capable of so much more and that if I don't do something about it now I am just wasting precious time was a BIG DEAL.  What changed you ask? Let me tell you...

My daughter was about to turn one, and I was still stuck battling the baby weight and feeling miserable and sorry for myself.  So one day at work, I made the executive decision to go online and purchase an at home workout program, Focus T25.  I decided that even I could commit 25 minutes a day to exercise, and I decided that I would take the first step in buckling down on my nutrition and I ordered my first bag of Shakeology.  It was expensive, and I thought my husband would flip his lid if he knew how much I was about to spend on this, so I did not say anything. I just ordered it, and considered it an investment in myself (which was something I was really slacking on at the time). I got the progam in the mail and my chocolate shakeology and dove in head first.  I was waking up early before work (4am) and getting my 25 minutes of intense exercise in and started drinking my shakes. Now I'm not going to lie, I was not enjoying the effects of the shakes at first but in time I really started noticing differences. The weirdest was that my skin was changing and not breaking out as much, and I just felt better. So I kept going with the shakes and before long the GI side effects from the shakes stopped (THANK GOODNESS).

 I continued with my workouts but still wasn't seeing results. So I contacted someone I found through beachbody, my free coach and asked her for help. Deidra Penrose. This woman had a similar background and a rockin body that she worked damn hard for and realized that if she could do it, so can I.  So I very nervously contacted her, and she asked me to join her upcoming challenge group for the 21 Day Fix. And so I did...

I ordered the program (and in the process paid the coach fee thinking maybe I could learn to work the business at some point), and soon enough the beautiful box arrived on my doorstep just in time to start the challenge group. And let me tell you this is where things changed...

Every.single.day. I was held accountable for my food intake, water consumption, exercise and shakes. Every.single.day. I had someone cheering me on. Every.single.day. I had a group of like minded individuals working towards similar goals and leading similar lives working through their own issues in life. Every.single.day. I had a goal to work towards. It was amazing!

I realized very quickly that something magical was happening.

I was finally finding a place where I belonged.

Not to mention this whole time, I was trying to rapidly prepare for my first Spartan Race with my friend (who was also and contines to be a great sourse of inspiration and motivation). So my motivation was high, and remains high.

I FINALLY finished something I had started. I finished the challenge group and decided that I had seen such a change in myself both physically and mentally that I wanted to keep going.

Seriously when they say that it takes 21 days to change habits there is some truth to it but it also helps when you have an amazing group of women to draw strength from. My confidence is soaring (well at least compared to what I was at previously), my determination is strong, and my body feels like it is on its way to being what I once only dreamed it could be.

I have a long way to go, but I have my very first challenge group to thank for getting my mind in the right place.  My husband is seeing a happier and more fulfilled wife, and my kids are seeing a mom who works hard to set a good example for them on a daily basis. And to think, all this happened in such a short time, I am beyond excited to see what happens in the future.

Thank you Deidra. Even though what you did may seem small, you have done your job of changing another life.