Thoughtful Thursday Series: Episode 1: Why are moms so mean to one another?

Ok so I know that if you are not a parent this one may be a little difficult for you to relate to but seriously....

Why are moms so mean to one another?

 

 I mean we get judged for every single decision we make by some random woman who thinks she has the right to pass judgment upon us? And why do we allow them to have power over us and make us feel as if we are somehow less that adequate because we parent our children differently?

 

 I was scrolling through my Facebook feed a few weeks back and read an article about the form of "mom shaming". People would take random pictures of someone (most likely a mom who had no idea a photo was being taken of her) and it would then be posted to social media without this person's consent. I mean seriously when did this become ok?? It apparently isn't enough that we are judged for not breastfeeding, failing at childbirth because we had a C-section (and who really fails at childbirth; that crap is hard work), because we choose to co-sleep versus sleep train, opt for extended breastfeeding in a society that has yet to "normalize the boob", feed our kids fast food, or dare to allow them to watch TV...and this list could go on and on and on and on... but now we unwittingly have completely strangers take photos of us to mock us or pass judgment upon us? Look I may not agree with everyone around me, but one thing I know for sure that unless that mom is abusing/neglecting/harming her child in someway, she is most likely struggling everyday to do the best she can to raise a productive and decent member of society.

 

When did it become our job to make other people feel bad about themselves? This parenting thing is hard enough without others going out of their way to make us feel terrible about decisions that we have most likely already agonized over already.  It is not my place to tell a mother she can't nurse her child until he or she self weans, or that one discipline technique is more effective than another.  So next time you see a mom with the toddler throwing a tantrum realize that all kids do that...even yours (Yes I said that) and that she is not a failure because she cannot control her child. You may not realize that she is struggling with learning her perfect baby has just been diagnosed as autistic or may have a developmental issue that makes it difficult to control emotions.  You may not realize that she has been up all night making sure her other child was breathing all night because they are at home hooked up to a bunch of medical equipment and she is just having a bad day. You may not realize that the mom you just snapped a candid photo of to post on social media with the caption "WTF? Can't this woman get it together?" just spent the last 20 minutes crying in the bathroom because she is overwhelmed or may have just received a phone call that her father is in the hospital with a serious illness.

And it's not only mom shaming for parenting styles, it's now mom shaming because we don't bounce back after baby "like we are supposed to." I mean didn't your weight just melt off while breastfeeding? Mine sure didn't because I was hungrier while breastfeeding than when I was pregnant! And when I say hungry, I mean like can't get satisfied from just one burger kinda hangry.  Women shame other women for her stretch marks, baby pooch, and saggy boobs but seriously what does that accomplish? Absolutely nothing positive, and in fact could be causing lifelong psychological damage to a woman who does not cope with life well.  So next time you see a brave mom, rockin the two piece at the pool, pay her a compliment or tell her children are beautiful so she doesn't have to walk around worrying that you are the one thinking bad of her. 

The moral of the story is: Be kind. Be considerate. Be mindful and aware of your surroundings. Educate yourself to realize the world is much bigger than you and that each person has a unique set of struggles and circumstances that she is dealing with. Be kind. Be compassionate. Instead of having a judgmental thought in your head when you see a mom losing it in the store, offer her support. Ask if you can help with her bags, hold the door for her, pay her a random compliment, say hello or just smile and acknowledge her and in that moment she may not feel alone.  Don't be the one who is responsible for making someone else feel bad or guilty... we do that enough on our own.

 



 

 

Do yourself a favor, and get rid of the negative in your life. Unplug from technology (make this part of your daily routine so you are not bombarded with article after article telling you how much you suck at mothering your little ones), unfriend/un-follow a few nasty mean spirited folk, and gather people in your social circle that are just as awesome as you are and revel in the fact that you are doing the best damn job you can raising your kids.

Until next week....

xoxo,

Meghan

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