My WHY

For a long time, whenever I was asked even simple questions to describe myself, my beliefs, my values, interests or hobbies I really struggled to provide any answers. One day I realized, I did not even know myself anymore. I would look in the mirror, and I no longer knew who was staring back at me.  I had hard time even thinking of what my favorite color was. I was so caught up in taking care of my family, dealing with insane schedules and zero family and very few friends around, and work that I completely lost myself. I forgot that I was a person with needs, desires, and goals. I remember crying many nights when I would be at home alone again, my son in bed, and always wondering what else I was capable of. The 22 year old my husband met and fell in love disappeared. She lost her desire to set new goals and achieve them, to feel accomplished, and proud. I was also not setting a good example for my son. I may have smiled on the outside, but on the inside I was numb.


Fast forward to my 30th birthday, I worked hard (or at least I thought I did) to "lose weight" so I could fit into a certain outfit for my 30th birthday. I thought that was going to be the solution to "finding myself" again but my efforts to lose weight (yes I will admit I took pills and lost weight) were weak at best. I did not work on changing my bad habits, nor did I work on myself from the inside out. So in essence, the number on the scale changed (not even as much as I wanted it to), I fit into the "goal outift" but the weight came right back on. Another really rough pregnancy and baby girl later, I found myself hitting rock bottom all over again.




30th Birthday celebration with my husband, Ocotber 2012

 

 

I have continued to be really bothered by the fact that I did not feel like I have anything to be proud of. I mean sure I am beyond proud of my family/kids, but there was always the feeling that something was missing.I had no goals, no passion, no drive, nothing. I was and continue to be at a standstill professionally despite many efforts to move forward.  And clearly have not been working my personal health and fitness goals. And then I was at a party for the 4th of July and saw a picture of myself.... and I had a moment.

Seeing this was the moment I realized if I don't change, everything will remain the same.

Its time to change.  No more excuses. No more complaining. Time to get to work.

 

I realized the day I saw that picture that if I did not work to get healthier and finally lose the weight by changing my bad habits, nothing was ever going to change, and I would always feel the same way; stuck, alone, depressed, unmotivated, lack of purpose and unproud.  Not only do I have two very important little people looking up to me, I am a nurse who tells people they need to take care of themselves in order to be around for their family. So why am I not taking my own advice?  Besides, I had committed to running a Spartan race with a friend and needed to get in shape, quickly.

 

I had already been working out with T25 at home for a few weeks, got a horrible cold (yes I got insanely sick during the summer on my only vacation time), and of course was getting frustrated because I was not losing any weight.  But really what was I expecting...... I continued to just eat although I had incorporated Shakeology into my diet along with my whopping 25 minutes of exercise but still was angry everyday when the scale did not do what I wanted it to do. How dare you scale??? I mean I was working out so why wasn't I losing weight? I mean seriously not even a pound would disappear!!!  But I realized the day this photo was taken, that it was because I had not made a conscience decision to change my bad habits. I could not continue to drink wine and eat crackers and cheese every night and expect to lose weight. I mean seriously what was I thinking??  So I sought out the help of my free beachbody coach, Deidra Penrose. And this is where my journey really begins...

 

She invited me to join her challenge group for the 21 Day Fix which helps you to focus more on nutrition along with the exercise component, and in 21 days the hope is that you learn to change your habits and with the help of the challenge group you are forced to be accountable. I decided to make a comitment to myself to just get through the 21 days. During those 21 days, I dove head first into the beachbody lifestyle. Clean eating, pushing play everyday, and learning more about the coaching opportunity. Throughout the 21 days, the more transformation stories I read about, the more coaching success stories I read about something began to happen.... I began to feel like I was a part of something. I began to feel proud. Proud of myself for

•  sticking with something because I am notorious for starting full force and then stopping
•  choosing to get healthier and set a good example for my kids
• Proud that I was working towards a goal....my first ever Spartan race with my friend who said it would fun (it was fun however amazingly challenging)

 I very soon realized that something amazing was happening. I began to feel motivated again, and each day I was working harder and harder, and noticed that my body was changing. I was getting a little better each day at the harder exercises, my strength was getting better, my endurance was getting better... each day saw improvement. And with each physical change, I also noticed some very important emotional and mental changes as well. I was happier, more motivated, more organized, more energized, and more proud. I decided at the end of my first 21 day challenge that I would start again and see what else I could do. My first 21 day challenge ended with the Spartan race, which I did finish by the way, and with a completely new outlook on my life. I feel like belong, I feel like I have a purpose, and I feel like I can do anything.

 

And I discovered my very important WHY....

 

 

 

 

 

My WHY for being the best me I can be

 

 These two little people here are my WHY. My reason to be healthy, my reason to commit to push play everyday, my reason to do whatever it takes to be there for them. 

 

So its officially onward and upward from here on out....

 

I am FOR REAL about being better. I am FOR REAL about getting healthy. I am FOR REAL about rediscovering myself. I am FOR REAL about being the best I can be.

 

I am quite simply...

 

A mom on a mission.

 

xoxo,

Meghan